About Jeff
With
Empowered Minds Life Coaching
As a Certified Life Coach at Empowered Minds, I understand that life is unpredictable and can leave you experiencing many emotions including overwhelm, hurt, fearful, and even helplessness. I want you to know that you are not alone! As human beings we all experience the world differently and sometimes we need someone to help us gain perspective or help us find our way again. We are often not taught about the power and strength that lies within each of us. That is where I come in! The power to gain back your life, self-control, confidence, and self-love all stems from the power of our own minds!
My mission is to work with you to develop new techniques and strategies to deal with your life situation. I am passionate about doing what is right and best for you. I will maintain your confidentiality and treat you with the utmost respect. I will keep the space around the discussion safe and comfortable so that the sessions can be productive and beneficial. With your new “empowered mind”, you will make decisions with more clarity, find more joy in life, be more confident, achieve your goals and likely find purpose in life.
My mission is to work with you to develop new techniques and strategies to help you deal with your life situations.
More about
Jeff D. Courtney, Certified Life Coach
I lived in a small town where I never felt like I fit in and I wasn’t good enough, even though I had a loving family. This feeling came from the way I viewed my physical self (big ears and feet, too skinny, etc.), the fact that I was not athletic, and my family was not the dominant religion of the community. I survived the best I could doing whatever kids do to “fit in” using whatever resources they have available to them. Graduation came and I was encouraged to go to engineering school because I was good in science and math. I did not feel empowered enough to see other options, so I went along with the suggestion and graduated from KSU with a BSME.
It is hard for me to admit, but as I grew into my 20s, I developed a slight arrogance and secretly judged most people. I assumed I knew more than they did and made more money too. This was important for my ego because it meant I was “better” somehow. But this arrogance brought internal confusion as the “not good enough” was now mixed with arrogance. As I climbed the corporate ladder, I learned the value of money, the basics of investing and was driven by the need to have security that only money could provide. I was creating a box of beliefs of how life “should be”. And this was the start of the problem… When life didn’t fit into these “should be boxes”, this created conflict in my life. I would dismiss others’ feelings and my hyper-rational brain would take over. I am an engineer and I can solve anything with the rational mind, right?! As you can imagine, this approach worked well at work, but did not work out very well in my personal life!
There are three significant events in my life that cut me deep and were too much to fully recover from. On the outside, I presented myself well. But on the inside, I was creating internal walls and pushing down emotions so I did not have to feel them. First, my dad died of a brain aneurysm in 2006. I was just starting a new job and this news rocked my world. I went from a “normal life” to one where I felt alone, lost, scared, and confused because the most trusted man in my life suddenly died. My instinct started creating taller and stronger inner wall that would protect my “should be box”, allowing me to keep the feelings away by focusing on my outside life circumstances. I tried harder to make sure things happened “my way” no matter what the cost.
By 2016, I was killing life on a professional level! I had obtained my professional engineering license, climbed the corporate ladder to a management position, drove a company car, had a beautiful family, nice house, took vacations, and live the life that everyone dreamed. Then my job was taken from me… My company announced a corporate move from Wichita, KS to Denver, CO. I thought this would be the perfect move; however, my wife did not feel the same. After several months of debating and fighting, we decided it was not the right time for all of us to move. So, I had to find new employment…and quickly! So, I did, but bring on the stress!
As it turned out, this new job did not align well with my skillset. What a culture shock! I could not find enjoyment in it and it was not fulfilling. After a few years, I concluded that my life would never align with what I had in mind. There I was, living with no dad in my life, no job satisfaction, making less money, fighting with my wife more, and having a difficult time in life. How did I get HERE!? How the hell was I in my 40s and still not living in the “should be box” that I defined for myself?
These 3 events happened years apart and for me it created a slow downward spiral. One night I got into a fight with my wife again and I had an overwhelming urge to be violent. This was terrifying because I had always been a gentle natured person. I yelled something like “I don’t want this anymore!” and kicked a chair across the floor. There I was at my rock-bottom knowing that something had to change. More importantly that, “I” had to change since it was me that I was constantly dealing with!
I heard somewhere that people become more interesting after 40. I understand why now. They begin to ask the deep questions in life. My question was “why couldn’t I be happy while others could?” What was I missing?! I was taught that most problems in life can be solved. You just need the right tools, the right people around you, or a new perspective on the issue. I also reframed my questions to “what tools do I need to gain in order to be happy?” and added, “who do I need to be around to succeed?” These were immensely useful questions and they resonated with me for weeks!
While pondering these questions, I came across a Netflix suggestion called “I am not your Guru” by Tony Robbins. It was hard to deny the irony of the timing (or Alexa was secretly listening). I watched it and I was moved! I knew nothing would stop me from attending one of his events. I made plans and attended Unleash the Power Within. This would be the corner stone where I made a stand on my life! What I learned in those four days can be summed up with how to be human, how to feel more, how emotions control our lives, how to take charge of them using your body, how to motivate yourself, how to find your inner passion, and the list goes on and on. It was just what I needed and it was perfect! I no longer felt secretly afraid and I started to understand why I had felt “not good enough”. I experienced a level of passion, love and all the true emotions inside us that most are scared to really see (I know I was). It soon became clear to me that the most important thing in life is to gain control of how you think and everything else will fall into place. So that is what I did. I learned how to gain better control of what patterns I was thinking.
Along the way, I read so many books on physiology, motivation, mindfulness, improving memory, the mind, NLP etc. that I lost count. After about a year, I was able to intuitively recognize the good in life and learn to watch my negative inner thoughts pass by in my mind without getting caught up in them. I was equipped with the right tools to build life up instead of destroying it. I made so many dramatic shifts in my thoughts, actions, and behaviors that my family did not know what to think! This understanding of the mind-life-body connection comes with new power and it felt amazing. And it still does!
We know problems never stop, emotions hit hard, and failures happen. But I choose to learn from them and better myself any time I can. I am able to handle my challenges more effectively without the old mental baggage. I don’t dwell on the negative events for hours or days like I used to, and this allows me to be more present and live a better and more fulfilling life at work and home. Today, I can say that I am at peace with myself and I have learned a skill that allows me to BE HAPPY! I designed a life that allows me to see the world in a different more positive way and the impact is profound. I would love to be able to share these tools with you! My self-growth journey will never stop…and I don’t want it to. I have learned to dance with the good and bad in life, and I enjoy every moment that I am alive!
